Nigerian Girls Can Be Very Annoying at Concerts- Etcetera

Singer and controversial writer Etcetera has published another long epistle. This time he took a jab at Nigerian girls. Read what he wrote below.

I was watching entertainment news on TV with a couple of friends and it got to a part where Tuface was on stage performing and a girl who probably was as drunk as a skunk, dragged herself on the stage and started hugging him and even took off her shirt . What is actually wrong with Naija babes at concerts?

How do you expect your boyfriend to feel watching his girlfriend on national TV jumping around Tuface on stage like a chimpanzee wearing just a bra and with boobs wobbling from side to side? Well, Tu-baba surely didn’t mind. He probably would have grabbed at those bouncy boobs if it wasn’t a concert. Twale Baba!!!

Here are some of the annoying things Naija babes do at concerts.

Taking pictures the entire show: I get it. You want to show all your friends on Facebook and Twitter that you were at the concert. Fine. Take a photo. Take five if you want. But please, don’t take 1000! You always manage to hold your camera right in my line of sight. You don’t even look like you’re enjoying the show while you’re doing this. All your attention is on the pictures you are taking. And you know what? Those pictures are all going to look like nonsense, every single one of them. You’re too far away from the stage. You’ll probably never even look at them. Also, you see those guys right in front of the stage with the giant cameras? They’re taking great professional pictures. There’s really no need for yours.

Checking Facebook, Twitter and Instagram every couple of minute Unless you’re a surgeon who’s expecting an emergency call or message, everything can wait. Live in the moment. Enjoy the show. You paid gate fee to be here. You can tweet your friends when you get home. Also, your fake China phone emits a very harsh and distracting light. For the love of God, turn the damn thing off!

Incessantly talking to your friends: You might not like whatever song is playing. You may be bored with the show in general. You may have been dragged here by your boyfriend against your will. But you’ve been talking all through the entire show, and I can hear everything you are saying. It’s driving me crazy. Please shut the hell up! I can’t tell you how many shows I attend where the girls in front of me are yelling in each other’s ear the entire night. Not only is my sightline blocked when their cheap wigs or weave-on come together, but I can hear their gossip. Take your chit-chat to one of the food vendor’s shed and stay there till the show is over, or go spread a wrapper under that pawpaw tree and lie down and talk till morning. I don’t care. Just shut up so I can enjoy the show.

Yelling out requests: ‘Yaaay, I want Styl-plus to play “Imagine That”’. Hey girls, imagine if you shut up and stop screaming in my ear; most of the time, the song list is pre-determined, and they can’t even hear you from up there. They’re going to play what they’re going to play. Just go along for the ride. Damn it!

Yelling out the names of the artiste on stage: This is another level of irritation. This has never been funny. Maybe it was cool in the 80s. Now, it’s just madness.

Pushing your way to the front: If a concert is general admission, the people in front earned their spots. They got there early and laid claim to their space. The people all the way in front might have even spent all day waiting by the doors, so when the show begins and you shove your way to the front, you’re being a huge distraction. Don’t do that. If you show up late and there’s only room in the back, you’ve just have to deal with it.

Getting so drunk you puke: Girls these days drink like sharks. You see them at Felaberation smoking igbo even more than TerryG. I feel sorry for those who have to clean up the venue after the concerts. I can imagine the types of vomit and stench they have to clean up.

Loudly complaining after the show because the artiste didn’t play your favourite song: This is actually one of the crazy things we see after each concert. Babes, try to enjoy the show you’re getting as opposed to the one you wish you were seeing. Besides, haven’t you heard “Kukere” and “Shoki” enough?

Filming the entire show on your mobile phone: This distracts people even worse than taking pictures, and usually results in an equally horrid product. The sad irony is that people tend to film their favourite songs, but the smiles on their faces are gone when all their concentration goes into capturing these moments on film. Next morning, Instagram will be cluttered with crappy cell phone videos of every song from the concert. Stop tagging me to these crappy videos. I was at the concert for Christ sake! You paid good money to see a show, and you’re joylessly watching it through a tiny screen on your mobile phone. It just doesn’t make any sense.